I want you to know that, if it wasn’t brought up today, I’m glad you’re here, and I know others are glad you’re here, too. If it wasn’t brought up today: you matter. In the story of the world, you’re essential, even if it’s a hard day, and something you can’t easily see right now. That’s okay if it’s hard to see, but you need to know: I’m glad you exist. ♥
You don’t need to count all of the reasons you *should* be here. You don’t have to give a reason for your existence, and you don’t have to do ANYTHING to DESERVE to exist. You do NOT have to DO anything to deserve to be happy.
You don’t have to do or be or create ANYTHING to be worthy of love.
You just are. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of good things happening. You are worthy of life.
YOU. ARE. WORTHY. OF. LIFE.
Because I’m very open about these things, friends and fans who have known me for a while know that I have depression and anxiety. You know I’ve been suicidal in the past. You know that I’m on medication now, and–because of medication and my wife’s dauntless love and support–I’m alive.
But, just because I’m on medication doesn’t mean that every day is an Okay Day. Just because I’m writing books I love with my whole heart doesn’t mean I’m always happy. I have EVERY REASON IN THE UNIVERSE to be happy, but that’s not how depression works. Depression tells you that you’re not worthy. That you are, in fact, worthless. That you don’t deserve to live. That you’re taking up valuable resources that other, better people could or should have. That you’re using up oxygen that other things need. Depression tells you all of these things because depression?
And it makes you believe those lies.
I heard about someone who was a really good person who committed suicide last night. I heard about it this morning. And though I’m on medication, though I’ve worked through a lot of stuff, though I’m in a better place than I’ve been in a while…my first thoughts, past shock and sadness for her were: wait a second. If SHE thought she didn’t deserve to live, should *I* be alive?
I got it out of my head pretty quickly, but it got me thinking. Those are old, worn grooves that I don’t think are ever going to be removed from me. No matter what happens. No matter how much better I become. Because I’ll always have depression. It’s part of me, like my shadow. I live with it, and I work with it, and I deal with it, and I soothe it. And I’m good at those things.
But, even on a good day, the old ghosts whisper to me, often when they’re least expected.
So I came here to tell you what my wife told me every day of my darkest days. I came here to tell you what is important to be told, because I know–better than most–that what I’m telling you?
It’s a TRUTH.
You are essential. You matter. You don’t have to count up all your accomplishments. You are good enough. You are worthy enough. You are loved.
And that’s the truth.